Here comes another one of those awkward personal posts.

When I was in 8th grade, I had a girlfriend. Well, kinda. The story goes like this. It was Valentines Day and they (the nebulous "they") were selling roses for a dollar. This one girl I had a crush on, we'll call her SB cuz I forgot how to spell her name, wanted a rose. I said I would give one to her, but I didn't have any money. So I borrowed a buck from a kid I didn't like, his name was Mike, and bought SB a rose. Then she hugged me and that was it. Or so I thought. I guess she got my home fone number cuz she called me when I got home. She called to ask if I wanted to go to the dance that night. Unfortunately I was an awkward 12 year old and I panicked. I told her I couldn't go because of a "family thing". Here's a hint, I never have a "family thing". Needless to say... well, I'm not gonna say it. Just guess how she reacted.

So the next day she ignored me even though we had several classes together. Then when I got home she called again. I'll transcribe the version of the call that I remember:

Me: Hello.

Her: Hi.

Me: What's up?

Her: I have something to tell you. But I can't tell you. Here is some other guy.

Him: Hi. You Alex?

Me: Uh, yeah.

Him: Well, I'm going out with SB now. She said thanks for the rose though.

Me: Oh.

Him: Ok. Have a good day.

Me: You too.

I actually said "You too." What a lame-o. Of course a second after he hung up I thought of the perfect comeback. Try this one out:

Him: Well, I'm going out with SB now. She said thanks for the rose though.

Me: Good thing I didn't waste a dollar on her. How much did it cost you to date her?
...
BURN!

Man, that would have been great. But I was young and stupid. Now I'm old and slightly less stupid. Unfortunately that was my last girlfriend. It's strange how such a non-event can change everything. Just think, if I didn't go out with her I would be married to Jennifer Garner right now.

Next time on awkward personal post... Prom!