My latest Friday (Thursday) writing is about the LHC and what could have happened. Remember, this is for a class.
LHC
Here comes another one of those awkward personal posts.
When I was in 8th grade, I had a girlfriend. Well, kinda. The story goes like this. It was Valentines Day and they (the nebulous "they") were selling roses for a dollar. This one girl I had a crush on, we'll call her SB cuz I forgot how to spell her name, wanted a rose. I said I would give one to her, but I didn't have any money. So I borrowed a buck from a kid I didn't like, his name was Mike, and bought SB a rose. Then she hugged me and that was it. Or so I thought. I guess she got my home fone number cuz she called me when I got home. She called to ask if I wanted to go to the dance that night. Unfortunately I was an awkward 12 year old and I panicked. I told her I couldn't go because of a "family thing". Here's a hint, I never have a "family thing". Needless to say... well, I'm not gonna say it. Just guess how she reacted.
So the next day she ignored me even though we had several classes together. Then when I got home she called again. I'll transcribe the version of the call that I remember:
Me: Hello.I actually said "You too." What a lame-o. Of course a second after he hung up I thought of the perfect comeback. Try this one out:
Her: Hi.
Me: What's up?
Her: I have something to tell you. But I can't tell you. Here is some other guy.
Him: Hi. You Alex?
Me: Uh, yeah.
Him: Well, I'm going out with SB now. She said thanks for the rose though.
Me: Oh.
Him: Ok. Have a good day.
Me: You too.
Him: Well, I'm going out with SB now. She said thanks for the rose though.Man, that would have been great. But I was young and stupid. Now I'm old and slightly less stupid. Unfortunately that was my last girlfriend. It's strange how such a non-event can change everything. Just think, if I didn't go out with her I would be married to Jennifer Garner right now.
Me: Good thing I didn't waste a dollar on her. How much did it cost you to date her?
...
BURN!
Next time on awkward personal post... Prom!
You can actually go uphill both ways. As in: "When I was your age, I had to walk to school ten miles away. I had to dodge lava and dinosaurs. And it was uphill both ways." There it is! "Uphill both ways." This is always tacked on to the end of a "you don't know how good you have it" lesson to make a point. Everybody knows that you can't go uphill both ways, right?
Right?
WRONG!
Picture this. There is a hill. Your house is on this hill. It is a small hill and only your house fits on the top of it. Any way you go from the house it is downhill. Then picture a mile (or ten, and don't forget the lava and dinosaurs) away, another, similar hill. On top of that hill is another house, similar to your own. Now pretend you are walking from your house on top of your hill, past the lava and the dinosaurs, and start walking up the hill to the other house. Now play and have fun. It's late now, and you need to go home to have dinner. Walk down the hill from the house you are at now to the dinosaurs. They are sleeping because it is late, but don't forget about the lava, it never sleeps. Finally, you reach your own house on it's hill. You have to walk up the hill to get in, right. So you walked uphill both ways! TA DA!
No update since Wednesday?
Using one of the oldest jokes in the book?
Saying "oldest joke(s) in the book"?
Not cleaning up my room?
Sacrificing play for pay?
Religiously watching the Real World, The Paper, Jeopardy, and The Sarah Connor Chronicles?
Wanting to see The Happening?
Giving up my moral high ground and watching an Ed Norton movie?
Having three questions about movies?
Doing a whole post of rhetorical questions?
Wow, I suck.
Well, I was close to what I said on Monday.
#19: Kiss Kiss Bang Bang
Like Shaun of the Dead, this is a genre movie with a comedy twist. And it focuses on two guys with a girl. And there are dead people, but they aren't zombies. The genre this time is noir with a little bit of the buddy cop dynamics thrown in for good measure.
Harry (Robert Downey Jr.) is a crook who is mistaken for an actor. He teams up with P.I. Gay Perry (Val Kilmer) to learn the ways of the detective. Of course they get wrapped up in a twisting murder plot.
Most importantly, this movie is hilarious. With dialogue like
Perry: Merry Christmas, sorry I fucked you over.
Harry: No problem. Don't quit your gay job.
and...
Perry: Did your dad love you?
Harry: Only when I dressed up like a beer bottle, how about you?
Perry: Well, he used to beat me in Morse code, so it's possible, but he never said the words.
you can't go wrong. You must watch this movie as soon as you possibly can. Here's a scene because the trailer sucks.
A lot of you guys know me from filmspotting, but I don't know if I have ever made a "definitive" top 20 movies list. So I'm gonna do it here. Good luck to me!
#20: SHAUN OF THE DEAD
Directed by Edgar Frost and written by Frost and star Simon Pegg, this 2004 horror comedy is one of the funniest movies I have ever seen. Not only is it insanely quotable (Shaun: As Mr. Sloan always says, there is no "I" in team, but there is an "I" in pie. And there's an "I" in meat pie. Anagram of meat is team... I don't know what he was talking about. ), it is also a damn good zombie movie. Here is the trailer for your enjoyment. Enjoy.
A sleepy God is almost as bad as an absent one.Story number two is also a true story, or an mostly true story.
The Time I Was God